Vatican City is ‘out of this world’

Posted: May 14, 2008 in Above the Fold, Denominational Fun, On Your Wall, Spin Doctor
Tags: , , , , , , ,

world-in-his-handsBut seriously folks… it really is… at least according to the [prepare for the definition of an oxymoron]

Vatican’s Chief Astronomer, Rev. Jose Gabriel Funes.

First, the obvious – what the?

“Vatican” (n.) – a place of sacred belief and faith in God. “Astronomer” (n.) – one who studies the stars in hopes of being that dude who finds E.T. really did phone home.

OK, so I made up the last part, but SERIOUSLY?

The only star and constellation Christians (yes, and this inclusive term should involve Catholics) care about is the little star of Bethlehem. If it wasn’t that shiny, odds are “The Greatest Story Ever Told” would have been told much differently… and probably not that great.

Now then, on with the aforementioned story.

“How can we rule out that life may have developed elsewhere?” Funes said. “Just as we consider earthly creatures as ‘a brother,’ and ‘sister,’ why should we not talk about an ‘extraterrestrial brother’? It would still be part of creation.”

Look here, Padre. I understand B16 avows to universalism and all, but this is taking it a tad too literally. Now for the truly aggravating statement, and a good reason to get this cat out of a job:

The Bible “is not a science book,” Funes said, adding that he believes the Big Bang theory is the most “reasonable” explanation for the creation of the universe. The theory says the universe began billions of years ago in the explosion of a single, super-dense point that contained all matter.

Tell me this Jesuit priest just didn’t omit the 2,000 years-plus that went into another fairly popular doctrine of the stars and planets called… shoot, what was that, this God guy and a book called Genesis, um, what was it… oh yeah… CREATION!!! In fact, I’ll recapitulate for all those in Catholicism that may have missed Sunday school as a first grader with ten simple words:

In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth.

And now for a Roman version of damage control in the following paragraph:

But he said he continues to believe that “God is the creator of the universe and that we are not the result of chance.”

Thanks, Rev. That clears up a lot. Well, at least we can alert the ACLU. God isn’t alone because he is having “close encounters of another kind” all day long. Open up the Bibles in class, kids. Darwin AND God were wrong. Turns out God created you in the image of this sweet thing:

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Comments
  1. […] see, that word “in-alien-able” holds new meaning with Cardinal Ratzinger thanks largely to this post and story… what’s next? An extended family to include E.T., Predator, Alien Mother and maybe the […]

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