Archive for May 3, 2008

The decline of civilization is upon us, Christians. But before you read about how the sky is falling, enjoy the antecedent of this story – a hilarious sketch from Lewis Black that explains everything!

Now then, the unfortunate story in question is from Denver, and is a blinding example for the need of “Writing on the Wall“. Please read and what you just laughed out loud about will have so much more meaning.

In short, the first two paragraphs (which is great because it didn’t “bury the [news] lead”) tells the entire, down letting story:

Connection Metro Church, which used its foyer coffee bars to attract visitors to its eight satellite churches in the Denver area, has decided to abandon ministry altogether to focus on coffee.

People liked the coffee a lot better than the ministry, according to congregational surveys, so we’re practicing what we preached and focusing on our strengths,” says former teaching pastor and now chief marketing officer, Peter Brown.

This, friends, is what this blog is all about. If I was Jesus, and saw this mess, I would beg my Daddy to let that fine stallion out of the stable because I need to go for a ride (wink-wink). And you know what that means? Well, read here in case you don’t.

Any story about the Church, a church or anything in between that makes you think, “Dear God, what are your people thinking?” At that moment is when another withered hand appears, taps me on the shoulder and HiScrivener gets to typin’. Good times.

What in the world is wrong with this picture?

  1. “People liked the coffee more than the ministry.” Memo to Pastor Incapable and Irrelevant: If a cheap cup of Joe tastes better than the water of the Spirit, you are in the wrong line of work. I suggest you move out of the way because YOU are the reason God isn’t moving, not the hankering for some Java.
  2. “…says former pastor NOW chief marketing officer…” Seriously? He just switched his calling, his passion, his life’s work over a pot of beans, froth and creme? Something tells me there was never a calling to being with… just a need to be on the phone.

Last point to make is referencing this telling quote from the story:

“People complimented us about the pastries and mochas but didn’t really mention the teaching,” says Brown. “After feeling disappointed, we got pragmatic about it and realized God was telling us where to put our efforts.”

What God was that? The one of another world or THE ONE OF THIS WORLD. IJS.

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We are the worldAnother reason why the Church needs PR: copyright infringement.

It happens all the time. One organization has a hot logo or brand and another church across state lines presumes, “No one will know.” So they take it…er…borrow in Jesus name…permanently.

Well, this happened elsewhere. Dateline: GHANA, WEST AFRICA

Two pastors evidently had the same idea. It was a trendy and cool name for a church. It has to be good if two pastors want the same name, right? “Fellowship”? Nope. “First Assembly”? Not really. “Something Community”. Not so much.

Brace yourselves, it’s catchy: Dwanekobea Bible Prayer House Ministry.

I know, I know. Step right up… print your business cards… this one is bound to be safe.

Holy Har HarSo, that’s the inside track to Capitol Hill? Pull back the veil, I have seen the wizard.

“He did it. No, she did it.”

Memo to Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi: You’re not blaming someone for farting, this is holy scripture you flubbed. So, when called about it, you blame – who else – your priest. See, even HE thinks that is hilarious (note picture).

Now, there have been spin doctoring run-a-muck over this Earth Day press release, ranging from “no comment” to “the media blew it out of proportion.” But I have to say in all my years of working with and for the media, this claim is a new one.

Always striving to be a trailblazer, eh? Good on ya’, Nancy. Oy!

Give peace a chanceWell, Darwin would enjoy this update about Bible Park USA, as would atheist meteorologists.

Evidently some “concerned citizens” in the greater Murfreesboro metropolis are thinking biblical references at said amusement funland for church groups everywhere would create environmental issues.

I expect the ACLU to lead the charge with padlock in hand, but the environment interest groups? Seriously? The very entity that created the heavens and earth is going to be kept out of the amusement business because folk would rather enjoy paradise rather than tossing their cookies celebrating it?! OK, I jest [albeit a tad], but what’s next?

Greenpeace picketing Bible Park USA with inventive signs like:

  • Bible Park USA and Jeremiah have something in common, “Don’t gonna happen.”
  • It’s not the Garden of Eden, but it’s our forest and let’s keep it that way
  • No room at the inn… or in here either
  • With no trees, where’s Narnia going to be relocated?
  • The Burning Bush is just another fire hazard
  • Solomon’s Temple? That’s a lot of natural resources to build that thing
  • Does heaven have a recycling program

And of course,

  • WWJD: Where Would Jesus Dig

Yeah, we’ll be following this story too. Good times.

Say cheeseBecause of stories like this one from CBS News.

Now I’m not saying every church doing a bake sale and car wash should hire a PR firm, but those churches, ministries and faith-based organizations that have a proven local, regional or national image should have protection. They have security for its body. They need security for its reputation.

Now, I’m not ignoring the adage, “Where there is smoke, there is fire.” But, smoke can be snuffed out before it causes a California inferno.

Call it a cheap plug, call it self-aggrandizement. Don’t care. What I care about is the church – and ultimately the Body of Christ – being protected, honored and promoted properly. Because the more negativity prevailing out there about our shepherds, the more scattered the flock will become.

There are skilled organizations out there that are proven with the press, but have a heart for the harvest, like THIS ONE (hint to all pastors, evangelists and teachers that belong to the aforementioned organizations with a story to tell).

Hope we hear from you.

Peace,

HiScrivener