Archive for April, 2008

Idol, whateverWith apologies to Andrew Lloyd Webber, anyone hear the heavenly headlines? What does God Almighty and American Idol: Season 2 have in common? Clay Flippin’ Aiken.

Yeah, regretfully, that’s not a typo.

Recently, Aiken has been on Broadway (yeah, like that’s not a shock for those familiar with the show) doing Monty Python’s acclaimed SPAM-A-LOT. Evidently, he has a few fans that don’t get out past…oh…January 1…of any year.

Listen, I understand hyperbole. I use it. “I laughed so hard my sides split,” or “Dude, you’re killing me” are big players. Well, for the literal-minded, your sides don’t really split. If they did, you wouldn’t find your small intestine flapping on your knee funny. And if you could calmly exclaim to your ‘dude’ about his act of manslaughter, you are a bigger man than me, because I may be a little terse.

BUT to claim Clay Aiken as the second coming is a little outside the bounds of, well you know, SANITY! So, as someone is finding a size whatever in a nice, white leather jacket with thick buckles in the back for this lonely lady, does anyone see the need for effective witnessing and living an example of Christ yet?

What’s next? This guy as Moses?! Help us, Jesus.

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Great! Just what America needed. More abhorrent numbers from the YFZ dystopia in Eldorado, TX:

  • There was a miscalculation. 416 was the incorrect number of children. Yeah, it was 4-6-3!
  • Of the many babies taken…er…rescued, there were 53 teen girls (ages 14-17).
  • [And here’s the headline]: Of those 53, 31 WAS PREGNANT OR ALREADY WITH CHILD!

So, for the severely mentally ill-equipped, here is HiScrivener‘s definition of a cult: (n.) – a secret religious system giving some utter freak total veneration by a bunch of people that should know better, but have too low of an esteem to know the difference. In other words, a vulture who preys upon the insecurities of others, calls it religion for his own kicks and then passes it off as dogma.

What does this perversion have to do with religious belief and worship anyway? It just goes to show, some people are so thirsty for a drink from the river of the Holy Spirit, they will sip anything that comes close as long they are promised it’s OK. Church, we gots some prayin’ to do… for real!

Dear Rev. Wright,

Your theosophical rant at the National Press Club and expository musing at the Detroit NAACP were exclamatory, incendiary and above all, ambulatory. After you sprinkled D.C. and Detroit with your kerosene, someone should have called 911 for the very man you lit on fire. You know? The one you consider ‘like a son,’ Barack Obama.

You are a preacher, called of God to corral your flock and minister to the hurting. You are not a politician (your words), called to feed the angry, misguided and the press flammable sound bites like this one or even this one.

In other words, go back to church and let Barack Obama attempt to salvage what’s left of his reputation and campaign. These words are not penned out of frustration for a selected candidate, but rather written out of frustration from what I presumed a pastor, a Shepard was supposed to act like.

You see, despite what you have read in the paper, your legacy is not in question. You are a great man of the pulpit, but when pablum becomes partisan, it’s persecutory (see, you aren’t the only one that can do that).

Preachers should not be telling the flock WHO to vote for, because that is always subjective, never accurate. God’s leaders should be informing his children WHY to vote and allow the ration and reason of the Bible be our guide, not your best impression of the Pied Piper.

Do us all a favor. Save the ballyhoo for the people that need it most – the lost. With your contagious energy, they could surely use it.

Love always,

HiScrivener

…TEACH THEM WELL AND LET THEM LEAD THE WAY… and all that jazz.

At this week’s Faith-Based Summit, President Bush called struggling faith-based, inner-city schools a “critical national asset” (as seen in this story). So, if the President of the U.S. believes they should stay open, yet more than 150 are closing its doors annually displacing 425,000 low-income children into public schools, which defeats the purpose of why their parents want them out – safety and education… so, what’s the problem? Easy.

You have inner-city, low-income (mostly single parents) paying for arguably the most expensive schools in the country. Anyone see an issue here? Mr. President, you won’t get anyone in the Body of Christ (or many outside of it) disagreeing with you. They are both an ‘asset’ and its state is ‘critical’. So, uh, march down Pennsylvania Ave and ask your cohorts an imperative questions for the sake of those kids Whitney reminded us about:

“Capitol Hill, do this”…

Jesus Bobblehead ChristToday is the NFL Draft. With my hallowed Cowboys clutching to four draft picks in the first 64, the Scrivener will not be scribing today.

So, to commemorate the adoration and felicity of this great day, I give you our Lord hangin’ with us [football fans] as well.

Say hi, Jesus.