Posts Tagged ‘hell’

Jesus would have blown out Rev. Terry Jones' flame, not reward him with a car.Back in July, we sprawled all over this Wall about some sanctimonious loon who decided it would be a grand idea to burn a wheelbarrow full of Qu’rans in an effort to talk smack about Muslims on September 11.

Never mind that only an underground stink tank full of extremists committed those heinous acts on that fateful day. Mr. “Too Stupid to Read the Paper” decided burning their holy writ was precisely how to keep demented Muslim Jihadists down to a calm sense of being.

Yeah well, he was sorely mistaken as the entire country not only told him just how stupid he was, but that there could be a slight attempt to bomb his Dove World Outreach Center in Gainesville, Fla. like Hiroshima. In short, he realized not having a high school education was too much to overcome, so he better keep the gig he has.

Qu’ran saved. Muslims relieved. Christians have chalked up another reason why the world hates us. Until this thanks to CNN Belief Blog.

It seems “Reverend” Terry Jones since deciding to no burn a Qu’ran, has deserved some love. Aaaaaaaaaaaand tell what he’s won:

The Rev. Terry Jones, the Florida pastor who caused a firestorm last month when he came close to staging a public Quran burning, is getting a new car courtesy of a New Jersey dealership. In the run-up to the planned book-burning, Brad Benson Hyundai in New Brunswick offered Jones a vehicle if the pastor backed down on his threat.

A car. A friggin’ car?! Seriously?

I adore Jesus and stand up for disenfranchised folk of other religions in the name of witnessing and good form, and run out of gas on the freeway. This jackleg fool gives the entire Body of Christ a bad name and is bribed with a new car to stop… if even for a while.

Let’s keep it classy New Jersey.

“We heard on the news that he was going to burn the Quran,” Benson Hyundai general manager David Canton told CNN on Saturday. “He stood up to his end of the bargain and we’re standing up to ours,” Canton said.

MEMO to Mr. Canton: Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

Now he has something shiny to tow that chuck of crap around

You reward this waste of space for sardonic behavior, and why? Because you are wholly empathetic to the plight of innocent Muslims in America? Of course not. Dude knew this idiotic offer would make national news, so he’s getting a little love.

Thing aren’t that great in the automotive industry lately. So, that’s nice. Live to threaten another day.

Hey, car salesman? You know what people think of Christians by-and-large thanks to this turd? Well, you are not doing any favors for your industry with this novel marketing effort either.

Shoot, I didn’t burn a Qu’ran? Wanna’ hook a brother up with a new Sonata? I’ll be happy to be your personal journalist for a year for that magnanimous of an offer.

And just so we are fair, Jones said that he will donate the car to a Muslim charity. Because it’s not like extremists in the Muslim community have ever used cars for evil intentions.

Funny how the world keeps going ’round, huh?

Some churches have realized what TBN declared a long, long time ago – let’s just make Christianity one big clique and only talk to other Jesus thinking folk.

I suppose that way, they know they won’t have to roll up their sleeves, get caught up in a biblical debate and won’t get any of that sinner schmutz on their shoes.

A message for all militant Christians

Just Sayin

Such is life for the Dove World Outreach Center in Gainesville, Fla., which is the same church that got in trouble for posting a “No Homo Mayor” sign against an openly gay mayoral candidate.

Keeping it classy!

Yep, this is a church whose touchy-feely approach to witnessing has propelled them in headlines because of the huge ‘Islam is of the devil’ sign in their front yard. And to further the conversation of most loving church ever, the pastor, Terry Jones, has a book with the same name.

Theological opinions aside, I’m going to go out on a limb and presume this is not how to change lives and influence people for Jesus.

Anywhoo, this same church has increased their affinity for local Muslims over their plans to host the International Burn a Koran [sic] Day, according to WOW News’ Pew Forum.

We feel, as Christians, one of our jobs is to warn,” said Jones. The goal of these and other protests are to give Muslims an opportunity to convert, he said. In response to the posting of the event on Facebook a little more than a week ago, Jones said that people have been mailing Qurans to the church to burn. He said organizers got the idea, in part, from another Facebook page, called “Everybody Draw Muhammad Day.”

To warn? Seriously? That’s our number one calling in life. And even if it was, pastor, what Muslim is going to listen to that “warning”?! Name one… I’ll wait.

No one – Muslim, Buddhist, Mormon, et al – wants to be classified as a borderline Satanist. There’s no warning there. That’s antagonism. And then to burn their holy writ? What is this, a filming of “Footloose“?!

Where’s the warning and love of God in that? It’s not there, and although the flame consumption is a skosh prophetic, what affect do you really think you are having on the Body of Christ or the population of heaven with this marshmallow roast? Because the answer is zero.

You are a twit and you’re setting the entire Church look like troglodytes, Pastor Jones.

Don’t believe me? Watch what happens the next time I witness to a Muslim. “So, would you burn my book?” Instead of a chance to pierce someone’s soul with the life-changing word of God, we have to do triage PR because of this dolt’s stunt

Imagine if some Imam were to have a fish-fry with a few dozen Bibles, and then thought to witness to Christians passing by about the love of Muhammad. Who in their right Jesus-loving mind would listen to that guy without pummeling him in the name of God first?

Answer: No one. Which is about how many people this will reach for the benefit of the kingdom.

Neither is there salvation in any other; for there is none other name under heaven given among men whereby we must be saved. (Acts 4:12)

One way to heaven, as we can see. Unfortunately, this pastor hasn’t figured out how to drive any one there or even give directions. Pity.

In life, there are certain signs that are visible; yet silent that scream “Danger Will Robinson” as your brain begins to go into screen saver mode much more frequently. Things such as:

  1. Folk calling you at 7 p.m. and their first sentence is, “I didn’t wake you, right?”
  2. The term “Good Grass” now only applies when discussing the neighbor’s lawn.
  3. You pee every morning like clockwork at 6:30 a.m. – only you don’t wake up until 8 a.m.
The connection from church to gay isn't that far for some priests

I post. You decide. And possibly giggle.

Another is when you are successful, powerful, influential and suddenly… you hire a lawyer?! Really? Such is life for one Joseph “Pope B16″ Ratzinger, according to this article from Yahoo! and AP.

Everything is groovy at St. Peter’s Basilica. You know, the guys in funny suits harking to every whim, a nation at your disposal and a world as your footstool for those kicking red shoes (this ain’t Kansas anymore, B. Word. Up.)

Until one day, Il Papa gets a call that his righteous judgment is in question about a serial child molester who was never defrocked, much less punished by law. Oh, and you were the one at the helm when it happened over a period of one… or two… eh, decades.

And so, in a fit of divine inspiration and sublime panic, the Vatican realizes God isn’t enough protection for this ballyhoo:

But as the Vatican reels from a swirling clerical sex abuse crisis, the Holy See has turned to an unusual advocate: a tennis-loving, Saab-driving solo practitioner from Berkeley, Calif., whose obscure interest in sovereign immunity law and fluency in Italian landed him the job of the pope’s U.S. lawyer.

There’s a mantra in public relations that says, “Perception is reality.” So, which one is this?

Does the Bishop of Rome and leader of the Roman Catholic Church just need some legal advice or is there something to hide? Is he sweeping something under that big funny hat of his or just in need of a friend who happens to understand this enigmatic “sovereign immunity law”?

[His] latest project: defend Pope Benedict XVI against allegations that he personally, and the Vatican generally, turned a blind eye to decades of rapes and molestation of children by priests. The Vatican has vehemently denied such reports, saying the pope has done more than anyone to root out abusers.

“What is most important for people to know is that he does understand, that his heart is moved,” Lena said. “He has seen the files, he gets it, and indeed he got it long before most others did.”

Yet, there’s the 800-pound gorilla in the room wearing a nice, flowing robe, blinging with some gold-encrusted crucifix and that nice, silk beanie missing the twirling propeller. We know when confronted with a sinister man who sexually abused hundreds of deaf boys – and admitted it – the once Cardinal Ratzinger was more concerned about the media hit than the welfare of the acolytes.

To borrow a slogan, "They need hope and change."

And now? It seems the Holy See is still concerned about the perception instead of the reality.

I appreciate his recent tearful homily in Malta where the Pope said he would “seek justice for pedophile priests and implement effective measures to protect young people from abuse.” However, if you knew the Catholic Church had so many raging freaks on the down low, why not come out swinging the moment the black smoke billowed in the Vatican sky?

Is this apoplectic concern because you are tired of the madness, or just sick of being called out for it?

Pope Benedict even visited some of these victims. According to the USA Today story:

“He prayed with them and assured them that the Church is doing, and will continue to do, all in its power to investigate allegations, to bring to justice those responsible for abuse and to implement effective measures designed to safeguard young people in the future,” the Vatican statement said.

I applaud that. I get that. But there’s still that lawyer thing. Out of nowhere is a simple man who probably smells of Chai tea, fresh ink and day-old Brut cologne. Yet, he is the appointed counsel for the Holy See… who is supposed to getting his counsel from our holy Father.

Lawyers provide protection, comfort and peace in the midst of a tumultuous storm, but is that necessary unless you are out in a boat amidst a hurricane? The Vatican certainly is getting pelted with a flurry of law suits, and rightly so. However, there is a demand for stronger action against these freaks who abuse innocent boys.

Please? Defrocking a priest is a slap on the wrist compared to the righteous judgment they deserve; yet that doesn’t even happen to some of these dudes with soiled collars.

There are good priests, phenomenal in their church and communities who watch this mess and know their names are stained because of the work of these dolts. Those bad seeds should be plucked out and exposed for the fools they are, but instead, their fearless leader gets legal representation.

It just smacks more of hiding than fighting… and in a time of despair, there needs to be some righteous indignation and holy fisticuffs coming from the Papal offices. Instead, we get a sinewy finger pointing in our direction as if it’s our fault.

Consider this story from USA Today and a report from the Pope demanding “We must repent.”

“I must say, we Christians, even in recent times, have often avoided the word ‘repent,’ which seemed too tough,” ANSA [the Pontifical News Agency] quoted Benedict as saying. “But now under attack from the world, which has been telling us about our sins … we realize that it’s necessary to repent, in other words, recognize what is wrong in our lives.”

Sorry my brother but we need to repent daily for our sins… but this ain’t one of them. Enough posturing, blaming and running. People demand backbones from their leaders – not wishbones.

The Papal office is supposed to be the divine revelation of God. What the Catholic Church needs, nee should demand is for that office to become the divine representation of God as well.

And that is something not found in a legal brief or a courtroom. It comes with prayer, repentance and an earnest desire to hearken to the Spirit of God. If there is anyone on this planet who is capable of focusing on God’s will, it’s this guy. Church – and I mean all of us – we need to pray for the Pope as never before.

Lord Jesus, bring peace to this petulance. Bring hope for the hurting. Bring a solution for the suffering.

Whether you attend a Catholic Church, this guy needs our support because there are more than a billion ardent people looking to Rome for an answer and some action. They don’t need to see legal writ or spin control. They need action and an unction from Pope Benedict to put an end to this sardonic behavior, face the evil that it is and sick the legion of heaven on it.

Heck, I saw “The Da Vinci Code” and “Angels and Demons.” I know that can happen. Perception is reality. Remember?

This story takes us waaay behind the scenes into his empire (Courtesy: Breakthrough)

And yes, Wall Watchers, this cat is serious.

At least, that his latest pitch to get your hard-earned money this holiday season. Here’s the story according to the Columbus Dispatch by way of Charisma:

Evidently, televangelist extraordinaire and international huckster Rod Parsley has taken to the airwaves pleading for money – your money – that the devil has stolen from him.

As seen on his Web site, a brazen banner ad reads, “CRISIS: Will you help me take back what the devil stole?”

The Rev. Rod Parsley has issued a desperate plea for money, telling his flock that he is facing a “demonically inspired financial attack” that is threatening his ministry. Parsley is asking for donations by Dec. 31, calling that date an “unavoidable deadline” during an episode of Breakthrough.

Yeah, because he has never used the big, bad wolf in the candy red suit to earn money for marketing purposes before. Only this time, if you look under his mattress, we discover a crisis – a PR source for this ballyhoo.

When asked to comment yesterday, Parsley’s World Harvest Church issued a statement saying the recession caused a decline in member giving in 2009, which has led to a fourth-quarter deficit of $3 million despite a 30 percent reduction in the budget.

A deficit of $3 million. That is almost insurmountable these days. But it’s that specific figure. Why is that monetary value so peculiar. I think I’ve heard it before [Cue harp music].

This year, the church settled for $3.1 million with a family whose son was spanked at its day-care center in 2006, to the point his buttocks and legs were covered with welts and abrasions.

And so, there you have it. “Breakthrough” is about to break down and it’s all his fault.

MEMO to Rod’s daycare workers: That’s not corporal punishment; that’s a beating!

Welts. Abrasions. And not even on the child’s behind? This church would have sued me for manslaughter or something because I would have gone postal up in that piece so fast. Lord have mercy.

In an online message titled “Crisis-Urgent,” Parsley said ministry friends have agreed to match the first $500,000 in donations. Well, that’s nice. Apparently, your hallowed brethren doesn’t watch the news because if I could do that math that easy, I would sit you down on your plush King’s chair and ask you, “What up!”

Dude, you were liable. Pay it, shut up and move on.

That wasn’t the devil. That was your lack of supervision and guidance at the daycare. You hired thugs and hoodrats (not all of them, but come on, I have seen the inner workings of several church daycares. Anyone say “lowest common denominator”?), pay them a paltry fee of $10 an hour, no benefits and still expect them to rear someone else’s child in the way of God?!

Kushite, please!

Parsley is a piece of work. Instead of manning up and finding a way  to pay this $3 million back in the community the right way, he will shill and kowtow to his global viewing audience to get his back yet again. Good luck with that. You have 10 days left.

And to make matters even more cantankerous, we have Parsley promising a troika of blessings – in exchange for a sizable love offering – on his show: God’s favor, good health and stress-free homes.

To which I have only one thing to say, it looks like your 15 minutes may be up. And if this is how you ran your entire ministry, I believe the devil isn’t stealing from you… he’s just taking back his investment.

Cult [kuhlt] – noun - an instance of great veneration of a person, ideal, or thing, esp. as manifested by a body of admirers: the physical fitness cult; a religion or sect considered to be false, unorthodox, or extremist, with members often living outside of conventional society under the direction of a charismatic leader.

Often, this is the magic word reserved some of the most dastardly organizations and diabolical people to come in contact with the Body of Christ. Often, this is the word reserved for L. Ron Hubbard’s concoction, Scientology.

And for its most wide-mouthed, dimwitted focal point, Tom Cruise? He gets the booby prize for stirring the pitchers of Kool Aid. No one hearts Thetans like this dude, and according to this story by the N.Y. Daily News, he is willing to abuse the living @#$%… er, fight you for it.

A former high-ranking Scientologist official says he “documented” that church leader David Miscavige once asserted that Cruise would lend his “Top Gun” muscle to do just that. Marty Rathbun, once one of Miscavige’s most trusted lieutenants, tells us he has a witness who can corroborate his account of a bloody beating at the church’s 500-acre compound in Hemet, Calif. Furthermore, he’s brought it to the attention of Cruise’s attorney, Bert Fields.

In a previous – what appears to be prophetic – tag on the Wall, we noted Cruise was “America’s favorite couch-jumpin’, no-Prozac-takin’, psychiatrist-hatin’, vertically-challenged havin’ basket case, Tom Cruise, is now the “Godfather” of Scientology.”

Guess what? If you got something to say about this whacked-out humanistic drivel, all five-foot-nothing of Maverick will spike a volleyball down your gullet (that is, if poor guy can find a net low enough).

Apparently, for those dolts who have forgotten their way across the “Bridge to Total Freedom” (and their credit card), the kooks in the Hollywood Hills have something called “The Hole,” a prison of sorts in the national headquarters. And it’s there where Cruise learned to act the part of his movie, “Valkyrie.”

Miscavige said that Tom … had vowed to come to the Hole and personally ‘beat the living [bleep]’ out of Yager, Leserve and Mithoff [three insubordinate officials who are a skosh too lenient about folk thinking L. Ron Hubbard was a tool] if the managers failed to do so themselves.

Well, that’s one way to witness. Demented and sad, but it’ll do.

It amazes me the mind-melding these D-bags in Hollywood undergo to be so blindly devoted to a man who simply wanted to make a quick buck [note picture]. Hubbard writes a book to bash modern psychology and then, he gets an epiphany.

“If I make this a non-profit organization, I may get a tax break on these simpletons who buy my book. Brilliant!” And so, Scientology was born and Hubbard gets rich.

The guy has been dead a few years, but that doesn’t stop his drivel playing the tunes of the Pied Piper. And evidently, Tom Cruise blows it the hardest. And it’s not like Scientology is some “offer folk can’t refuse.” This is nothing more than a Ponzi scheme on crack.

The only truth you get out of Scientology is the truth you put into it. If you want to see what you end up worshiping, that would be that collagen-filled, botox-riddled muttonhead staring back at you in the mirror. And just because your mirror is gold-encrusted and bedazzled and I got mine from Wal-Mart doesn’t mean the image is any worse than you.

We are all flawed humans in need of a Savior. We are all twisted people in need of divine truth. We are all damned for hell in need of Jesus.

So, whether it takes an isolated biblical verse or someone draping his MMA gloves, one day we will all accept one religion or another. Which one is totally up to you, but anything called “The Hole” is definitely a place I know I won’t find my religion.

However, when I heard about Tom and his panache for a Napoleon syndrome, I thought of another verse:

There are people in this world who go about demanding to be killed. You must have noticed them. They quarrel in gambling games. They jump out of their automobiles in a rage. They humiliate and bully people whose capabilities they do not know. These are people who wander through the world shouting, kill me. And there’s always someone ready to oblige to them. (Vito Corleone, “The Godfather”)