Archive for the ‘On Your Wall’ Category

It’s been said, “There aren’t words large enough to describe Jesus.” Well, let’s make that real estate as well.

While Jesus sits at the right hand of the Father, we have known our Savior also has a summer cottage in Rio de Janeiro. There he stands, high atop a mountain in a tropical climate becoming the centerpiece of postcards everywhere.

Giant Jesus in Poland

Jesus. Truly Above All Else!

Now, with real estate prices tanking, the time is ripe for the Lord to secure a winter home as well. And he found some prime real estate according to this story in USA Today.

Rev. Sylwester Zawadzki, the 78-year-old priest who created the statue said it rises 108 feet, or 33 meters — one meter for every year that Jesus lived. Other members of the construction team, however, gave differing figures. One said it rises 167 feet if you include a mound it sits on and the crown on the head. By comparison, the statue in Brazil’s Rio is 125 feet tall.

There’s some creative license, which is nice. Chiefly, Giant Jesus has a gold King’s crown fitting for a risen Savior versus the Crown of Thorns noted in every Catholic church across… well, Poland.

Apparently, the locals think Jesus making a home will be good for the local economy too:

They believe it will put their town of 22,000 on the map for tourists and Roman Catholic pilgrims and bring in needed money to renovate the historic buildings in the tiny town center.

“I am extremely proud,” said Danuta Gordzelewska, a 60-year-old who watched as the statue’s head was lowered into place.

Gordzelewska has donated money to the statue, which was funded by contributions from as far away as Canada. “It’s special to watch something being built that later generations will have.”

Yeah! Stimulate that, Congress. What! (Not a direct quote from the statue. Just sayin’.)

So, there he is.

In the humble Polish town of Swiebodzin stands the only begotten Son of God with arms open wide and becoming the bane of existence for all planes as the Lord refuses to leave the flight path for anyone.

Yes, Ghost Rider, the pattern is so righteous and full.

Dear Bishop Long, I showed my junk and blamed the devil. Love, Armor Bearer #15

Amidst the kerfuffle of Bishop Eddie Long’s escapades with his armor bearers, somehow this lovely story got lost in the mix.

Evidently, the more wide-open a door is for crap to fly through it, the more church turds sprout wings and flutter out of the belfry.

Exhibit A: This story from the Atlanta Journal-Constitution that discusses a former staffer who was sent a questionable picture of God’s blessing.

Tama Colson, who is described in the lawsuit as a married resident of Georgia, claims a male supervisor  showed her photographs of a male sex organ on a cellphone. In a lawsuit filed Wednesday in U.S. District Court in Atlanta,  Colson alleges  she was harassed,  demoted and later discharged from the Lithonia church after she complained.

Of course she was. You think they want someone around who accept personal text messages? No way.

If the lawsuit is accurate in the affidavit, a supervisor in the TV department decided to whip out his smartphone and show her just how stupid he was. Her response, “What the hell is your problem?” To wit, he grins and walks away.

Later, her department became subject to the New Birth TV department, she was demoted to secretary and was subsequently given her walking papers.

Yeah, that’s taking authority, eh?

This artist needs to be looking for a plague

Have you ever seen uber-offensive pieces of “art” that completely demeans Christ, and you can’t do a thing about it?

Don’t get me wrong, they are pieces of something but you still can’t bury them.

There are pictures like this mess – not done in fun, not meant to make people think, not intended for the greater good.

These things are done to give the Church a finger and shroud it in art, which is federally protected by the Constitution. I KNOW!

Well, meet one docile lady from Colorado who wasn’t interested in waiting on the vengeance of the Lord.

A woman who used a crowbar to attack an artwork hanging in a Fort Collins, Colorado gallery that allegedly shows Jesus engaged in a sex act told police she drove the 690 miles from her home town in Montana to specifically damage the artwork, The Denver Post reported.

Call it vandalism. Call it criminal. I call it commitment!

690 miles. The woman knew about this “art”, knew nothing was being done and decide to practice some laying on of hands. (You go girl… shhh!)

Kathleen Lorie Folden, 56, targeted “The Misadventures of the Romantic Cannibals” for religious reasons, according to the arrest affidavit, released Thursday.

Seriously? Well, for her efforts to rid the earth of filth, Folden was arrested by Loveland police Wednesday afternoon at the Loveland Museum/Gallery, faces a felony charge of criminal mischief and a fine of up to $2,000.

You think she was bent out of shape about this mess? Meh.

As she left jail, she declined questions but told reporters, “Just remember, God is real.”
Yes, he is. Praise the Lord. Now while I don’t advocate walking into an “art” gallery and shredding the paint with a crowbar, I do understand. And, would be so inclined to help post bail. You know, just sayin’.

The P.C. Express continues in an concentrated effort to rid the world of a God that spoke his mind back in the day, had any sort of opinion of social issues or you know… could have a gender.

Forget the family. Make it one room fits all.

And to save space, the Scottish Church now has one bathroom

First, there was the “Genderless Bible,” which started the debate that Jesus died for all kind – not mankind, just all kind. Ridiculous. And now, we have the deranged actions of the Scottish Episcopal Church in which the slew of female priests are getting miffed about all the personal pronoun usage going one-sided when discussing God as a “he”.

The Telegraph (UK) discusses this new – and mildly defective – form of worship, which removes words such as “Lord, he, his, him” and “mankind” from services, has been written by the church in an attempt to acknowledge that God is “beyond human gender”.

The controversial changes were discussed at the church’s General Synod recently. The minutes of the synod reveal that female priests had asked why God was still referred to as a man. The altered version of the 1982 Liturgy sees masculine pronouns removed when they refer to God and the new approach has even been extended to humans. For example, the word “mankind” has been taken out and replaced with “world”.

Man. Woman. Pat from SNL?

I suppose Pat moonlights in Scotland as a priest.

Seriously?! This milquetoasting of the Scriptures is allowed to exist. I get a slew of politicians doing their best not to upset their constituents, but to have this bastardization of deity to exist within the walls of the Church is appalling. It’s heresy.

And guess what female priests of Scotland? This is going to put quite an increase in his testosterone. There’s more…

Direct quotations from the Bible have been spared change, because of a reluctance to interfere with the word of God. However, the blessing at the end of services has been changed by some ministers from “Father, Son and Holy Spirit” to “Creator, Redeemer and Sanctifier”.You know, I once heard that if someone performs a task, they liked to be thanked for it. Tsk. Tsk.

“The changing of God language is a little tricky,” admitted Rev Darren McFarland, convener of the church’s liturgy committee. “We are not saying God is not masculine. God is also feminine. The problem is trying to use human language to describe the indescribable.

What’s interesting is he could be right… but I am fairly certain they are not that smart to be this mischievous. The Hebrew and Christian scriptures have  traces of maternal imagery that have not been overridden by the patriarchs. This includes breast and nursing imagery, of which even the title of God used in Exodus 6:2-3.

Did you know (because I know these old sods didn’t) that El Shaddai is traditionally interpreted as the Almighty, but may be interpreted as the Many Breasted One from the Hebrew word shad, meaning breast, instead of using the Akkadian word shadu meaning mountain.

See, how can God send his son here to be touched with all of our feelings, if men and women feel differently?

Maybe, because HIS characteristics are to fully understand both men and women. We are made in HIS image, after all… or should we redefine that one as well?

It’s that time of the month again when we scour the Wall for some delusional stigmata enthusiast and post another “God Sighting of the Month.”

Only, it’s been hot this summer and everyone’s hallucinogens are causing different moments of grandeur, like the water tower melting and the refreshing tidal wave is coming toward your house. Anyone? Just me?

And who says bread isn't good for you?

Lord Jesus! That's some good toast.

So we had to find a concocted vision, but this took some daft skill as seen in the UK’s Grimsy Telegraph:

Give us this day our daily bread” – so says the Lord’s Prayer – but in Great Limber, it’s toasted! This stunning depiction of Christ’s Crucifixion may look like it has been painted on tiles, but is in fact made up of 153 pieces of carefully charred toast.

This “artist” is a 33-year-old bloke named Adam Sheldon who felt his calling was to make a sacred illumination of the most hallowed event in history out of something we place sandwich spread upon. And probably with the crusts cut off.

How in the world do you manipulate your toaster to do this with such precision?!

I mean, I put two slices in mine, walk away to go to the bathroom and you would think I put them in the microwave. They eject with the velocity of the space shuttle, completely burnt to a crisp.

And this guy comes off like Da Vinci with the same apparatus? Man, I need to go back to school.

My only theological question about this artistic rendition (and make no mistake, that’s art) hanging in his local church is this: Does this create an entirely new definition for the term “Burnt Offerings“?