Archive for the ‘OMG!’ Category

An age-old question among Christ followers revolves around… the lottery.

I know, don’t you feel dirty reading that? And why? Because while you have been told gambling is a sin, you’re all ridden with angst that you can’t get some of that money.

No worries. I hate lotto players too.Vehemently.

In Mexico, visit this house of the... drug Lord?

This story from the USA Today creates a different conundrum: If a drug kingpin builds a church, will God inhabit the praises of those people?

“We know that the narcos … look for a way to redeem themselves in religious terms, by doing some good work. Obviously, sins cannot be washed away by a donation or a collection,” said the Rev. Hugo Valdemar, spokesman for the Archdiocese of Mexico, the country’s largest.

This is a legitimate house of worship in the village of Tezontle. A place for Mexicans to glorify the Lord. You think they know how this modern church was built?

Well, the story continues to tell us that on a wall of the nouveau riche chapel, a plaque says it was donated by the leader of the violent Zetas cartel.

“Donated by Heriberto Lazcano Lazcano, Lord, hear my prayer,” reads the bronze-colored marker, which says the chapel was built in honor of Pope John Paul II. Lazcano, who is wanted in both Mexico and the U.S., has more than $7 million in reward money on his head.

I’m sure there are some who believe this was Lazcano’s (or Lazcano Lazcano’s) mea culpa. Others may say this was his opportunity to show goodwill to the country that wants him incarcerated… or worse.

Either way, how would you feel worshiping in this house? Better yet, going to confession?

You know, you’re sitting there reading the hymnal and these beautiful red and blue swirling lights are seen outside during mass. The priest breaks out an AK-47 from under his robe. And the altar boys dawn bandannas while shouting with clinched fists to the congregation.

Sounds like a quaint Sunday to me. Sweet. Only one thing, with the holidays looming, stay away from the mules in the Nativity scene. I’m sure they’re not what you think they are.

I know ‘The Writing on the Wall” has carried a headline of shock value once or twice, but this is regretfully a direct quote.

I KNOW! Can you believe someone would have the unmitigated gall to utter a thought like that? Check the story from the U.K. Mail Online:

A South African pastor has provoked outrage after beginning a recent sermon with the claim that Jesus Christ was HIV-positive. Xola Skosana stunned his congregation in Cape Town’s Khayelitsha township with the bold statement, news of which then quickly spread across the country.

Pastor says Jesus had AIDS

What? Jesus was a hemophiliac too?

Keep it classy, Xola. Look, I understand the world is going political correct as some sort of etiquette class, and it seems being gay is trendy, but this is insane.

The Bible says something I think this twit just perverted:
Now that we know what we have—Jesus, this great High Priest with ready access to God—let’s not let it slip through our fingers. We don’t have a priest who is out of touch with our reality. He’s been through weakness and testing, experienced it all—all but the sin. So let’s walk right up to him and get what he is so ready to give. Take the mercy, accept the help. (Hebrews 4:14 – 16 MSG)
You get that, dude? He was tempted with everything, but that doesn’t mean he shacked up with some guy he met at an alternative bar wearing a Village People outfit.
Here’s his explanation. Well, kinda:
Of course, there’s no scientific evidence that Jesus had the HI virus in his bloodstream. The best gift we can give to people who are HIV-positive is to help de-stigmatise Aids and create an environment where they know God is not against them, he’s not ashamed of them.’
Let me get this right. I meet a guy who is suffering from crack addiction and want to witness to him about the saving grace of Jesus Christ.
Do I start the conversation with an ice breaker like, “Did you know Jesus had powder-stained lips and stole his disciples’ TVs for a quick fix of the base out back of Pilate’s temple? After all, that’s where most of the dregs hung out for the quality scraps.”
Uh, no! So why in the world would you testify to folk dealing with this treacherous disease – some of which got through other circumstances other than the obvious – with Jesus had AIDS?!
Unless you are anointed with CSI superpowers, I would recommend shutting your pie hole and stick with the Beatitudes. Just a thought.

Last month, we spray painted the story on Elder Schuller “officially” filing bankruptcy.

It was like the quartet on the Titanic finally admitting to each other, “You know, with all these people frantically screaming and cursing the iceberg, I think we have a problem.” Nevertheless, he filed and no one was stunned.

Courtesy: Ana Venegas, Associated Press

Well, except him.

It seems this 84-year-old captain refuses to go down with the ship, according to the USA Today. That, or just wants one last cash grab for retirement.

“I need more help from you,” Schuller said, according to the Orange County Register. “If you are a tither, become a double-tither. If you are not a tither, become a tither. This ministry has earned your trust. This ministry has earned your help.”

Yeah, in this tough economy, we call that begging.

Let me get this straight: the Crystal Cathedral is $43 million in debt, is full of namby-pamby folk who “appreciate” positive thinking… and God, and has become the laughing stock of ecumenism.

Yet, the place where believers go to retire is going to become “double-tithers.” Keep it classy, Pops.

Despite the fact the media can’t get a single quote from Junior Schuller who was unceremoniously shown the door for first, a revolving door of positive thinkers and then finally, Sister Schuller. Let’s see how she did:

She assured church members Sunday that using “Biblical” money management the church would get out of bankruptcy. The congregation gave a standing ovation near the end of his daughter’s remarks.

That’s nice, but is it practical? This church is hemorrhaging and is home to thousands of believers.

And now they are being held hostage to an infomercial of inspiration in an effort to corral millions of dollars. Oh sure, blame the recession (he did), don’t pay your bills (he didn’t) and then hoard the cash.

Why do pastors with any notoriety fall in love with the fruit from the believers more than the believers themselves? We hope that guy will be the exception, but then stories like this keep coming up.

Does anyone have any sense?

“Sheila is really trying hard and she is a good person,” said Jean Hess, a member for 30 years and a greeter at the church’s doors. “But, I think, to get back to where it was, the church needs to look outside of the family to find a true leader.”

Yeah, that’s very logical but like anyone is going to pay to hear preach. Ah well, our heart will go on. God willing.

Dear Bishop Long, I showed my junk and blamed the devil. Love, Armor Bearer #15

Amidst the kerfuffle of Bishop Eddie Long’s escapades with his armor bearers, somehow this lovely story got lost in the mix.

Evidently, the more wide-open a door is for crap to fly through it, the more church turds sprout wings and flutter out of the belfry.

Exhibit A: This story from the Atlanta Journal-Constitution that discusses a former staffer who was sent a questionable picture of God’s blessing.

Tama Colson, who is described in the lawsuit as a married resident of Georgia, claims a male supervisor  showed her photographs of a male sex organ on a cellphone. In a lawsuit filed Wednesday in U.S. District Court in Atlanta,  Colson alleges  she was harassed,  demoted and later discharged from the Lithonia church after she complained.

Of course she was. You think they want someone around who accept personal text messages? No way.

If the lawsuit is accurate in the affidavit, a supervisor in the TV department decided to whip out his smartphone and show her just how stupid he was. Her response, “What the hell is your problem?” To wit, he grins and walks away.

Later, her department became subject to the New Birth TV department, she was demoted to secretary and was subsequently given her walking papers.

Yeah, that’s taking authority, eh?

Jesus would have blown out Rev. Terry Jones' flame, not reward him with a car.Back in July, we sprawled all over this Wall about some sanctimonious loon who decided it would be a grand idea to burn a wheelbarrow full of Qu’rans in an effort to talk smack about Muslims on September 11.

Never mind that only an underground stink tank full of extremists committed those heinous acts on that fateful day. Mr. “Too Stupid to Read the Paper” decided burning their holy writ was precisely how to keep demented Muslim Jihadists down to a calm sense of being.

Yeah well, he was sorely mistaken as the entire country not only told him just how stupid he was, but that there could be a slight attempt to bomb his Dove World Outreach Center in Gainesville, Fla. like Hiroshima. In short, he realized not having a high school education was too much to overcome, so he better keep the gig he has.

Qu’ran saved. Muslims relieved. Christians have chalked up another reason why the world hates us. Until this thanks to CNN Belief Blog.

It seems “Reverend” Terry Jones since deciding to no burn a Qu’ran, has deserved some love. Aaaaaaaaaaaand tell what he’s won:

The Rev. Terry Jones, the Florida pastor who caused a firestorm last month when he came close to staging a public Quran burning, is getting a new car courtesy of a New Jersey dealership. In the run-up to the planned book-burning, Brad Benson Hyundai in New Brunswick offered Jones a vehicle if the pastor backed down on his threat.

A car. A friggin’ car?! Seriously?

I adore Jesus and stand up for disenfranchised folk of other religions in the name of witnessing and good form, and run out of gas on the freeway. This jackleg fool gives the entire Body of Christ a bad name and is bribed with a new car to stop… if even for a while.

Let’s keep it classy New Jersey.

“We heard on the news that he was going to burn the Quran,” Benson Hyundai general manager David Canton told CNN on Saturday. “He stood up to his end of the bargain and we’re standing up to ours,” Canton said.

MEMO to Mr. Canton: Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

Now he has something shiny to tow that chuck of crap around

You reward this waste of space for sardonic behavior, and why? Because you are wholly empathetic to the plight of innocent Muslims in America? Of course not. Dude knew this idiotic offer would make national news, so he’s getting a little love.

Thing aren’t that great in the automotive industry lately. So, that’s nice. Live to threaten another day.

Hey, car salesman? You know what people think of Christians by-and-large thanks to this turd? Well, you are not doing any favors for your industry with this novel marketing effort either.

Shoot, I didn’t burn a Qu’ran? Wanna’ hook a brother up with a new Sonata? I’ll be happy to be your personal journalist for a year for that magnanimous of an offer.

And just so we are fair, Jones said that he will donate the car to a Muslim charity. Because it’s not like extremists in the Muslim community have ever used cars for evil intentions.

Funny how the world keeps going ’round, huh?