Wanna leave Scientology? Tom Cruise would like to beat you now.

Cult [kuhlt] – noun - an instance of great veneration of a person, ideal, or thing, esp. as manifested by a body of admirers: the physical fitness cult; a religion or sect considered to be false, unorthodox, or extremist, with members often living outside of conventional society under the direction of a charismatic leader.

Often, this is the magic word reserved some of the most dastardly organizations and diabolical people to come in contact with the Body of Christ. Often, this is the word reserved for L. Ron Hubbard’s concoction, Scientology.

And for its most wide-mouthed, dimwitted focal point, Tom Cruise? He gets the booby prize for stirring the pitchers of Kool Aid. No one hearts Thetans like this dude, and according to this story by the N.Y. Daily News, he is willing to abuse the living @#$%… er, fight you for it.

A former high-ranking Scientologist official says he “documented” that church leader David Miscavige once asserted that Cruise would lend his “Top Gun” muscle to do just that. Marty Rathbun, once one of Miscavige’s most trusted lieutenants, tells us he has a witness who can corroborate his account of a bloody beating at the church’s 500-acre compound in Hemet, Calif. Furthermore, he’s brought it to the attention of Cruise’s attorney, Bert Fields.

In a previous – what appears to be prophetic – tag on the Wall, we noted Cruise was “America’s favorite couch-jumpin’, no-Prozac-takin’, psychiatrist-hatin’, vertically-challenged havin’ basket case, Tom Cruise, is now the “Godfather” of Scientology.”

Guess what? If you got something to say about this whacked-out humanistic drivel, all five-foot-nothing of Maverick will spike a volleyball down your gullet (that is, if poor guy can find a net low enough).

Apparently, for those dolts who have forgotten their way across the “Bridge to Total Freedom” (and their credit card), the kooks in the Hollywood Hills have something called “The Hole,” a prison of sorts in the national headquarters. And it’s there where Cruise learned to act the part of his movie, “Valkyrie.”

Miscavige said that Tom … had vowed to come to the Hole and personally ‘beat the living [bleep]’ out of Yager, Leserve and Mithoff [three insubordinate officials who are a skosh too lenient about folk thinking L. Ron Hubbard was a tool] if the managers failed to do so themselves.

Well, that’s one way to witness. Demented and sad, but it’ll do.

It amazes me the mind-melding these D-bags in Hollywood undergo to be so blindly devoted to a man who simply wanted to make a quick buck [note picture]. Hubbard writes a book to bash modern psychology and then, he gets an epiphany.

“If I make this a non-profit organization, I may get a tax break on these simpletons who buy my book. Brilliant!” And so, Scientology was born and Hubbard gets rich.

The guy has been dead a few years, but that doesn’t stop his drivel playing the tunes of the Pied Piper. And evidently, Tom Cruise blows it the hardest. And it’s not like Scientology is some “offer folk can’t refuse.” This is nothing more than a Ponzi scheme on crack.

The only truth you get out of Scientology is the truth you put into it. If you want to see what you end up worshiping, that would be that collagen-filled, botox-riddled muttonhead staring back at you in the mirror. And just because your mirror is gold-encrusted and bedazzled and I got mine from Wal-Mart doesn’t mean the image is any worse than you.

We are all flawed humans in need of a Savior. We are all twisted people in need of divine truth. We are all damned for hell in need of Jesus.

So, whether it takes an isolated biblical verse or someone draping his MMA gloves, one day we will all accept one religion or another. Which one is totally up to you, but anything called “The Hole” is definitely a place I know I won’t find my religion.

However, when I heard about Tom and his panache for a Napoleon syndrome, I thought of another verse:

There are people in this world who go about demanding to be killed. You must have noticed them. They quarrel in gambling games. They jump out of their automobiles in a rage. They humiliate and bully people whose capabilities they do not know. These are people who wander through the world shouting, kill me. And there’s always someone ready to oblige to them. (Vito Corleone, “The Godfather”)

Man, these two things really are mirror images of each other, aren’t they?

Cross Eyed: What if God disappeared?

This week in video evangelism, we have a harrowing video that may cause you some pause before you hit the streets for your daily errands.

I suppose I’m struck by the deluge of post-apocalyptic films I’ve seen in theaters recently. Perhaps, I’m trolling my own decaying humanity thinking of what Jesus has saved me from and what disasters he prevents into going daily.

Whatever it is, I am amazed by his grace and mercy. Again, daily.

I once heard a preacher say, “If Jesus were never real, my life is still better believing he was all this time.” Think about that the next time you are shouting with fist clinching to the skies, “Where are you, God?”

He’s there – always watching, always waiting, always willing.

We’re not keeping this quiet, not on your life. Just like the psalmist who wrote, “I believed it, so I said it,” we say what we believe. And what we believe is that the One who raised up the Master Jesus will just as certainly raise us up with you, alive. Every detail works to your advantage and to God’s glory: more and more grace, more and more people, more and more praise! (2 Corinthians 4:13-15 MSG)

Enjoy the viewing pleasure, Wall Watchers, and your weekend. Peace.

Junior Schuller walks in his Dad’s footsteps

It's a new day for the Cathedral and the dude who used to run it

Wall Watchers, we finally have another intoxicating episode in the Robert Schuller saga.

It’s been a while since we heard a peep from the chisel-jawed son-of-a-preacher man. After he got the boot from dear old Dad for not being a pastor in his old, shriveled image, he took a sabbatical to find his ministerial roots.

He did – right back to broadcasting as he and Chris Wyatt (co-founder of GodTube or Tangle or whatever they are calling that now) purchased AmericanLife TV with plans to make it “the destination for family values.”

Personally, I don’t get channels on my trusty satellite network that requires aluminum foil and a stiff northern wind to pick up programming, so I’ve never heard of AmericanLife TV. But there it is, and Junior Schuller snatched it for his own means.

I suppose it was learning from experience because Dad’s network is now broadcasting static and prior to that, church at the Crystal Cathedral was a MLM convention instead of ministry.

Hey, Junior Schuller, revenge really is a dish served cold… unless it’s a TV Dinner, which is where we find you. It seems the now “Chairman of ALN” took it to the airwaves this past weekend with “Everyday Life”. How’s that working out?

“This is a story of redemption,” said Schuller, ALN’s chairman.

The show is a scripted one with actors and Schuller as the narrator, telling the story of a man who has lost his way spiritually and then realizes what the important things in life are.

“Jesus taught us by telling parables,” Schuller says. “And if he were among us now, he would use video and film, which are the most powerful media available to us today. We present these ideas to our viewers. I’m telling a story here and it’s up to people to put the pieces of the puzzle together.”

Cryptic, ain’t it? The son is forced to become a prodigal by his father – one who was leading others to Christ and serving God better than most of us – and then decides to keep on walking and find his own path.

Redemption. You think?

The line about Jesus using video was probably taught to him while on his father’s knee, but now the son is becoming the teacher.

Good on ya’, Junior. We’ll all be willing for that olive branch to be extended and have ALN begin broadcasting services at the Crystal Cathedral. Wouldn’t that be rich? Dad paying Junior to be on air.

Ah, ministry. Bless the Lord.

What’s the cause for STDs among teens? Abstinence.

Next up in the “Are you friggin’ kidding me” department, we have this bewildering story from CNSNews.com.

So, there’s this federal official (John Douglas of the C.D.C. if you need him) who has seen one too many reports about crabs, the clap and that ubiquitous ‘burning sensation’ run across his sterilized desk to know someone has to be to blame for the widespread endemic of STDs (sexually transmitted diseases for those scoring at home… er, I mean, taking notes).

His official arch-nemesis? Abstinence!

Douglas headed up a panel of 15 experts (cough… MDs who are paid too dang much to do too friggin’ little… cough) called the “Task Force on Community Preventive Services. Together, the toolbox analyzed dozens of studies of sex education programs conducted between 1980 and 2007.

Did they find that sex is free; therefore is widely exercised? No. Did they find Bebe Kids rebel from an absent Dad and an absent-minded Mom, so it’s on like Donkey Kong? Not so much.

Johnny, tell them what they have won.

“The Task Force on Community Preventive Services concludes that there is insufficient evidence to determine the effectiveness of group-based abstinence education delivered to adolescents to prevent pregnancy, HIV and other sexually transmitted infections (STIs),” the recommendations state. “Evidence was considered insufficient due to inconsistent results across studies.”

What happens when a city (possibly yours) bans smoking in public places? Do people stop smoking?You know, do lungers everywhere have this grand epiphany when the law is laid down and suddenly the heat from that light bulb dangling over their crown creates a warm spot, “Hmmm… maybe this cancer stick really can kill you.”

Probably not. So, does the city pull up stakes as if to say, “So much for the smoking ban. These people sure are stubborn.”

Why quit abstinence teaching if it would stop premarital and unprotected sex?! You know it’s what’s better. Kids know if they WANT to be careful and still boink someone, they can go to the local convenience store and steal a condom… er, have a friend purchase one.

That’s the problem with government and sex-ed evangelists – you can’t teach emotion, feelings and common sense. That adage, “Kids will be kids” has stuck around for so long for a reason. They’re stupid.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m a proud parent of some lil’ Wall Watchers myself, but yeah, when they become tweens… they tap into the “Stupid Zone.” Education on what’s right and wrong begins with counting the costs, not covering the costs with something you can buy in a drugstore for $2.50.

Here’s a stat for those number crunchers at the CDC, as seen in USA Today, January 2009:

“To see 26 states with statistically significant increases [in teen pregnancy] is fairly remarkable,” says Paul Sutton, a demographer with the National Center for Health Statistics, which released the data Wednesday. “We’re seeing increases in both the number of teens having births and also the rate at which they are having births. Both of them are going up.”

So, while you are trying to shoo away causes for clap slap, snow pie and rooster crow, we have babies having babies at an alarming rate. Only prayer to Jesus Christ and faith that it sticks will take care of these meddlesome kids who think there is no recourse to an innocent night between the sheets.

In other words, kids should learn it’s okay to just say no… than to just say yes to a judge for child alimony checks for 18 years. 10 minutes is not worth the next 10 years. There’s my soapbox. I’m off now… all Irish Spring fresh. (Whistle Whistle the theme).