Church blogger watchdog may be put to sleep for sniffing around

Wall Watchers, if any one post on the Wall gets up your dander, this should be it.

There are several of us who are passionate about exposing the surreptitious flaws, duplicitous spirituality and malicious intent of so many in the pulpit who should be doing so… none of that.

Most of us folk seen as “Another Bricks in the Wall” are libidinous, and it shows through our words, our thoughts and our dexterity.

Well, thanks to some Orwellian actions in Jacksonville, Fla., and this story from the Times-Union, we can subtract one from the list.

A blogger critical of First Baptist Church Pastor Mac Brunson wants to know why his Web site was investigated by a police detective who is also a member of the minister’s security detail.

I’m sorry?! What?! Listen here, I’m over anonymity in the blogosphere. I – like apparently the alleged mastermind behind FBC JAX – have no choice, but the reason I have no choice [COUGH... legal action... COUGH... non-disclosure agreement... GAG!] is the very inspiration behind my words.

I have witnessed hypocrisy in action. I have felt the vitriol from parishioners because of the actions of some ne’er-do-wells in the church. I have seen longtime church members stabbed flat in the back by the very church elders who espouse love for them. I have experienced the highs of listening to a man of God, and the lows of knowing him become a “Mand of Gawd.”

Evidently, so has FBC JAX, or thanks to Rev. Mac Brunson and his wielding stick of power, Mr. Thomas A. Rich.

So, as the story, Pastor Mac got his feelers hurt and called one of his security guards – also one of Jacksonville’s finest – for a hook-up. And now, because Rich attempted to unveil some misgivings inside the church, he gets a big, stinking peace out for his trouble:

Rich also wants to know why Hinson [said cop] revealed his name to the church despite finding no wrongdoing [on the blog, FBC JAX]. Hinson obtained a subpoena from the State Attorney’s Office requiring Google Inc. to reveal the author of the blog. Rich’s unmasking led to an eventual trespass warning banning the longtime member and his wife from First Baptist, despite the fact that Brunson and a top church administrator conceded the blog never threatened violence.

Violence?! No really. Some tool was going to Pastor Mac’s house, stealing his mail and taking voyeuristic pictures of his wife. And Thomas here got pinged for that because he wrote on a blog. Stay classy, Mac.

However, the pastor somehow forgets to discuss the rationale behind FBC JAX, which is:

Rich said he launched his blog in August 2007 — more than a year after Brunson became the pastor — because he was alarmed by what he described as Brunson’s “abusive preaching,”   especially during fund-raising campaigns. The blog has included criticisms of Brunson’s $300,000 salary, his plan to open a church school, his construction of a “lavish” office suite, accepting a $307,000 land gift from church members for his home and putting his wife on the payroll.

When megachurch pastors care enough to "send the very best"

Quite naturally, Pastor Mac didn’t have a comment to much of this, except to say that “he is one of the lowest-paid mega-church pastors in the Southern Baptist Convention.” Here, here. Get him a cookie.

I wonder if it ever dawned on a PASTOR that here sits one man who attends a church, has strong relationships, maybe have children who have friends and oh yeah, somehow stay in touch with God.

But because he has the unmitigated gall to not come to you personally, you ban his family from your hallowed church for life. Now, that’s the ubiquitous answer to “WWJD!”

Is that what a shepherd is supposed to do? What about that parable about the lost sheep? Apparently, Thomas is a wolf in sheep’s clothing, so that makes this heinous action okee doke.

Maybe Thomas was right about Pastor Mac, whom – full disclosure – I actually have really been blessed by a few of his messages.

Maybe Thomas would like to climb on the Wall and give his own point of view to us (Hint… Hint).

Maybe Thomas was off-base. Regardless, after this blog post, maybe there needs to be a movement for that First Amendment thingy.

Seeing how it’s so easy and user-friendly to walk right up to a megachurch PASTOR’s office and speak your mind freely. Sure, go ahead, line up everyone. The sheep’s costume are on the left.

Hogan knows best… and O.J…. and Jesus?

“They asked her [Ruth] did she ever think about divorce and she said, ‘No, I’ve never thought of divorce in all these 35 years of marriage, but I did think of murder a few times.’” ~ Rev. Dr. Billy Graham

Fun and yuks, right? When an esteemed man of God says something like that, people chuckle and golf clap.

Now, get a 6′ 7″, 300 pound, brazenly mustachioed behemoth, clad with shades, a do rag and a fanny pack saying that and folk have a different response.

Such is life for one Terry “Hulk Hogan” Bollea, as noted in CNN.

If you are fan of the WWE, MMA (his nephew is a fighter, save without the roids… did I say that out loud?), American Gladiators or even VH1, you know life in the Hogan household hasn’t been a bed of roses.

And now that is plastique, half-century-old, scorned wife has gone cougar and wrangled one of her incarcerated son’s BFFs, Terry is definitely more Hulk, less David Banner as he ruminated recently in Rolling Stone:

“I could have turned everything into a crime scene like O.J., cutting everybody’s throat,” Hogan said in the interview for a feature that will run in Friday’s edition of the magazine. “You live half a mile from the 20,000-square-foot home you can’t go to anymore, you’re driving through downtown Clearwater [Florida] and see a 19-year-old boy driving your Escalade, and you know that a 19-year-old boy is sleeping in your bed, with your wife … I totally understand O.J. I get it.”

And if I’m that kid – who evidently hasn’t witnessed those 24″ pythons personally… yet – I’m telling old Linda, “It’s been swell. Peace out. I got a job in Somalia. They gave me a relocation package and a sweet eye patch as part of my work uniform.”

Are you kidding me?! He is not only taking the juice, he is channeling the “Juice” from prison?!

So, of course, there is the rhetoric: “The media misinterpreted my comment,” from major news on Hogan. “We are looking into this as a legal threat,” from same sources on Linda’s lawyer. And “OMG! Did you see that blue vein in his forehead swell to the size of a small gas pipeline,” from TMZ and the National Enquirer.

And now, we have this, noted in WOW News’ Idol Chatter – Hogan is reeling for some control, and he calls spin… in the name of Jesus Christ.

[I've] leaned on my religion. I was saved when I was 14. I accepted Christ as my savior. He died on the cross and paid for my sins….I found some very good friends–Michael Beckwith with the Agape Church told me about being positive and the power of positive thinking. I could have went the wrong way. I could have self-destructed, but I took the high road. [Rolling Stone] took half a sentence to sell magazines.

Yeah, but come on, Hulkster. If you gave me that gold, I’m boot scootin’ all the way to Cash America Pawn and hawking that in for some ka-ching. Well, I’m glad to hear all those vitamins and prayers did you some good as a nubile youth.

But, tell me: when you are confronted by your bubbly wife’s attorney (that you are no doubt paying for indirectly) who wants to add terroristic threat to the divorce subpoena, um… “What’cha gonna do? Brother?”

THIS JUST IN: His walk with God has a few detours and road embankments he didn’t plan on, like wishful suicide and stuff.

Cross Eyed: The Church Lady renders Simon Cowell speechless

That headline alone is worth some interest, but this is the video portion of the Wall, so just wait until you see it…

Meet Susan Boyle – a frumpy, middle-aged church volunteer who is now a global phenomenon. How? Reality show, how else?!

She waddles onto a stage feeding her face and in dire need of some tweezers hoping to carry a tune. Everyone in attendance for the American Idol-esque show in the UK called “Britian’s Got Talent” choked on their soda pop laughing at this frow, including The Celebrity Apprentice’s Piers Morgan and the infamous Simon Cowell from American Idol.

Furthering the laugh riot at her expense, Susan offers up a poly-rhythmic and uber-octave song from Les Miserables, “I Dreamed a Dream.”

Eyes rolled. Stomachs turned. Judges laughed. And there stood Susan – unabashed, unashamed and unfettered by the snickering because she knew something the rest of those dolts in the audience didn’t. Including yours truly. Uh yeah, about that?

God isn’t a big fan of judging a book by its illustrious cover, and what comes out of Susan Boyle’s mouth makes the world eat a nice, salty serving of crow. Standing O, teary eyes and agape mouths. Click play and enjoy. Her YouTube broadcast is nearing 30 million.

Maybe now, she can afford those tweezers.

more about “Cross Eyed: The Church Lady renders S…“, posted with vodpod

So that’s why this Episcopal priest looked surprised?

I once heard a pastor extol some genius when discussing some inane practices of certain legalistic denominations, “Ladies, I have a prophecy: If the barn needs painting, paint it!”

Oddly enough, the people who laughed the loudest were the women who looked like TBN rejects. Nice.

A "cut" below the rest

So, I took a stroll down Amnesia Lane when I read this story about some tool who did a little more than painting his own barn.

Meet William Blasingame – a 66-year-old Episcopal priest from Staten Island, a tool whose mid-life crisis came late and a fool whose tail is on the line for the big house as he stole almost $85,000 from his church for… wait for it… paint, er… plastic surgery and botox!

As the lovely story in the New York Post gets nice:

Mirror, mirror on the wall, who’s the cutest clergyman of them all…

Blasingame is busted by the Staten Island D.A. for his vanity run-a-muck and jonesin’ for botox, plastic surgery and some sweet duds like gold-embossed suits and leather shoes imported from London.

So, for his quest for the needle of youth, Blasingame could face up to 15 years in prison if convicted of second-degree grand larceny and possession of stolen property.

And look at him. Who’s the cute priest? Who’s the cute priest? It ain’t you, holmes.

Can you imagine warming a pew at the historic St. Paul Memorial Episcopal Church and Sunday after Sunday, the Rev. looks more and more surprised by standing still. He starts coming to the pulpit with his own soundtrack, “Send in the Clowns.” And then there’s the appearance of his eyebrows going north until they meet his receding hairline?!

Since Blasingame isn’t a big fan of biblical truth and spiritual dogma, allow me to crack open my KJV66:

Wealth gotten by vanity shall be diminished: but he that gathereth by labour shall increase. (Proverbs 13:11)

Regretfully, this is a scripture not many sideshow televangelists recollect during their weekly pontifications. You have to work at everything, including looking young.

But, in the event of keeping one’s ministry relevant, these Ponce de Leon groupies [COUGH... like Paula White... and her ex-hubbie... GAG] become Blade Runner and go under the knife.

The question is Why? People get old, it’s a fact of life. I understand surgery after pregnancy. I get physical deformity. But lypo or getting a face lift so tight that if you sneeze, your ears would clap, I no comprende?!

We are supposed to be living epistles, not walking edifices. We are to be witnesses for God’s glory, not a testimony for man’s genius. Where’s the rub? TV preacher, you come across as a fraud to what you are proselytizing. How can attest on how God “accepts you the way you are,” when you can’t even accept the way you are?!

Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe I’m old-fashioned. But at least I’m in my own skin and not some plastique counterpart that forces God hand to play peek-a-boo and guessing who I am. And then when you are so addicted to it that you begin fleecing your sheep to make Armani sweaters, Houston we have a problem.

NYC Church produces the “TwPassion of the TwChrist”

In 1697, the fabled Wall Street Trinity Church was founded essentially to minister to the needs of the African Americans in NYC, both free and enslaved (NOTE: It’s not the Mason Dixon line, so that dichotomy was a possibility back then).

During the centuries, I’m sure the church has geared up and done its fair share of Easter Sunday plays.

You know, Mary has gone from long, raggedy hair and homemade, cotton-twilled clothing to now make-up laden to look like one of the Bratz.

Back then, Jesus was probably some old dude who just didn’t make it to the barber and today, it’s some pre-pubescent kid whose hair is a statement as his flowing locks make him a given for the hallowed part in the play.

This is a church that knows the value of hard work, outreach, mission work and some nice, neighborhood production of “The Passion of the Christ.”

So, who would have thunk it that this very institution would revolutionize that passion and figured out a way to tweet the crucifixion?!

That’s right, social media fans – last Friday, they held a Twitter Passion play. Huzzah.

Followers of twspassionplay will receive tweets from the main characters of the play for three hours beginning at noon on Good Friday. The feed also can be delivered to mobile devices or e-mail addresses.

So, the magnitude of the crucifixion and the majesty of the Holy Spirit has now been encapsulated in 140 characters or less. Nice.

And that should beg a much broader question: Can you, can anyone evangelize in 140 characters or less? Can someone find saving grace in a tweet? Probably… because there sure are some “Twits” I have seen on TV. But I digress.