Aretha’s church hat makes fashion experts “think”

Barack Obama has been on the job for less than a week, and already someone has managed to steal his thunder. Who would be the dastardly culprit? The Queen of Soul, Aretha Franklin.

Well, technically it wasn’t here, the song where she unfortunately paused in the middle of “coun-try” causing the FCC to have a collective coronary.

No, it was her church hat, or for those of us who are all too familiar with the COGIC experience, “Her Crown of Glory.” A bow that was twice as large as her own melon is now the rage nationally, according to the New York Times.

The hat was an instant sensation. Even before Ms. Franklin had finished singing “My Country, Tis of Thee” on the inaugural podium, calls began pouring in to her hat designer, Luke Song, 36, of Mr. Song Millinery in Detroit, Ms. Franklin’s home town.

“A lot of my clients know my signature style, and they knew instantly that it was my hat,” Mr. Song said in a telephone interview Friday. “They called to verify it, and then they just started screaming at the top of their lungs.”

Today, Mr. Song has a backorder to make these domes of disdain up to a full month! Seriously?

How many suckers… er, women who bought this hat are going to show up at service believing they will receive a round of spurious praise, “Girl. Where did you get your crown? I gotta get me one of those.”

Well, that is until someone spins that bow, the hat goes flying and the propeller atop her cranium ends up fleeing out of the window. There have been jokes a-plenty surrounding this high mass adornment.

Even the great Stephen Colbert noted, “Even Aretha Franklin even managed to steal a bow off a brand new Lexus for the occasion.”

Yet, these warnings haven’t stopped the crown shopping. So, pastors everywhere, be on the lookout for an 8-foot tall woman in the back of your church. She’s not really that tall… it’s just that wicked nice bow, and the sound you hear are elves at the North Pole wishing they had it. Stay classy, Queen.

GOBAMA: The Evangelical Alliance wants him to read their Bible

In case you missed it, there is much ado about nothing over Chief Justice John Robert’s massive flub over delivering the oath to the BarackStar. Evidently, his tongue froze to the roof of his palette and we have this anti-Constitutional faux pas:

So, now the haters out there are leaping for joy and clamoring that he actually is not president. Not so fast. But, just to be sure and without the built-in nervous breakdown of sub zero wind chill and the eyes of many nations upon them, they took a do over. Only one issue with this one – there was no Bible! Can’t these dudes get anything right?!

They are actually practicing high fives

In swoops the Evangelical Alliance seeing the perfect opportunity to aid the new president, and of course, seizing the same opportunity to capture some lovely PR.

Dr. Krish Kandiah, director of Churches in Mission for the Evangelical Alliance, said he will send a copy of Bible Society’s Poverty and Justice Bible to Obama to make sure he always has a Bible at hand in the future. “President Obama’s commitment to the scripture was obvious during his inaugural address, when he quoted Paul’s letter to the Corinthians – so when we heard he didn’t swear on a Bible the second time, we could only assume it was because he couldn’t find one,” said Kandiah.

Yeah, because a president typically travels and you wouldn’t want theft to be on his conscience when he swipes one of those gifts left by the Gideons, huh? How magnimous of you.

But, history gomers on the Wall, did you know this is actually the seventh time in history an oath redux has been necessary… and the third without a Bible? Albeit none because the recitator forgot his lines on national TV! But I digress, and thanks to the Dallas Morning News for the talking points from FOX News (har har).

Hail to the Chief and some lifelong hell to the Chief Justice. God bless America.

Tom Hanks shows “Big Love” for the Mormon Church

Tom Hanks in a fit of rage, and waxing sentimental about the friends he made – and tragically lost – while making “Philadelphia”, decided to make a political statement… and a complete mockery of himself.

You remember what is now commonly known as Proposition 8, which made a law in California that made marriage only recognized between a man and a woman. Hrm. Go figure, given the interlude between Adam and Eve and all.

Americans… well, only the rich and pretentious ones, and, oh, those who live in the Hollywood Hills… blame the Mormons for Prop 8 being voted into law (again).

Granted, California isn’t full of the LDS saints; nevertheless, because of some money, the Mormons got blamed for it. Chiefly among them was the aforementioned Tom Hanks who called the entire Mormon nation, “Un-American.”

Never mind the fact being American is the very reason they were able to exercise their rights to fiscally bolster Prop 8, but apparently, Hanks think the denizens of Utah were actually illegally transported from Indonesia, Cuba or escaped from Madagascar in a plane of penguins.

Blame the economy, his conscience or the fact that some folk may not go see his great movies (except for “The Money Pit”, Oy!) after that cockamamie comment, Tom Hanks went biblical and performed a mea culpa, according to FOX News.

…”Everyone has a right to vote their conscience; nothing could be more American,” the statement continues. “To say members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints who contributed to Proposition 8 are ‘un-American’ creates more division when the time calls for respectful disagreement. No one should use ‘un- American’ lightly or in haste. I did. I should not have.”

Considering this is a guy for “Band of Brothers” and “Saving Private Ryan”, you would think he had a slight grasp on the Bill of Rights. But hey, we all reserve the right for a moment of vociferous angst… and an even larger right of delicious irony and unfortunate hypocrisy.

It turns out Hanks is an executive producer of the spoof drama about the Mormons – and their panache for multiple wives – called “Big Love.” Oh, and he spewed his vitriol at the HBO premiere of said production. That sound you heard was Joseph Smith and Brigham Young rolling over in the grave, doubled over in laughter.

Nice to know even though it’s been a while since the pop culture rich “Bosom Buddies,” Tom can still make folks laugh.

Cross Eyed: Worship is more than you or iTunes

This week in video evangelism, we learn about the music you groove to, or the muzak you listen to in church.

Many people in the pews use worship for chill bumps. Many people on the stage use worship to put on the concert they never got as a budding, and touring, band. This video perfectly explains what worship is… and is not. Amen, and amen!

And whatever Floodgate Productions is, you dudes need better PR because making videos like these could cause this to be more than a casual hobby. This was nice. Call me.

more about “Cross Eyed: Worship is more than you …“, posted with vodpod

New Barna Poll: 1 in 3 Christians think Jesus sinned

Definition of Christian irony: Telling the world you are a bible-believing Christian; yet not believing the entire Bible.

Note the latest Barna poll and this story from World Net Daily that extols the following mind-numbing statistics:

• 50 percent of folk who call themselves “Christian” don’t believe Satan exists
• 35 percent of those dunderheads believe Jesus, while on earth, sinned
• 40 percent of them say they do not have a responsibility to share their Christian faith with others
• And 25 percent of these dolts don’t believe the Bible is the inerrant, infallible word of God

“Americans are increasingly comfortable picking and choosing what they deem to be helpful and accurate theological views and have become comfortable discarding the rest of the teachings in the Bible,” [Pollster George Barna] said.

See, this poll is awfully misleading; yet amazingly alarming.

There are tens of thousands of people who say, “Yeah, I’m a Christian” and the closest they have been to a church was last Christmas, Easter and Mother’s Day.

You know the type. They believe God’s last name is “damnit”, have no issues with drinking… I mean, getting tanked, has a Bible… in the trunk of their car collecting dust mites and somehow believe they are “deeply religious.” Oy!

However, one of the most fascinating findings in this poll is this:

By a margin of 71 percent to 26 percent adults “noted that they are personally more likely to develop their own set of religious beliefs than to accept a comprehensive set of beliefs taught by a particular church,” the report said.

This is the homogenization of America, where people – sensitive people, we’ll call them “seekers” – can go to church, get bent out of shape because of a little conviction. So, they leave the service in a huff bound and determined to find a house of worship that doesn’t ruffle feathers, only combs their hair. Anyone feeling me yet?

It’s pathetic and a harrowing indictment of where Christendom is headed unless the Body of Christ gets active about evangelism and living out their salvation rather than hording it to themselves like the last piece of chicken in the bucket.

I’m sure these megachurches that house pastors who never preach hellfire and damnation are enjoying their um, “prosperity”. Tens of thousands of people warm pews across the states and around the globe watching animated messages, multimedia productions and pastors who prefer people call them “Ed” or “Joel” or “Bill” or even “Rick” rather than you know, “pastor“.

Which leads me to a question: What’s worse? A pulpit pimp who has no issue with where he stands biblically and publicly, nor with the Ferrari collection in his garage; or some of the pablum whores who refuse to minister God’s word with conviction for fear of offending someone?! I’d say that is a wash – a scalding, bubble-induced wash.

Before you answer, read this story and think about all the deceived people you know who believe they are completely Christian but believe that yin-yang tramp stamp they have makes them closer to “god”. Church, we have work to do because those pastors obviously have dropped the Bible… er, ball.