What’s it say about the nation’s capital and our untrustworthy government needing so much prayer that the church footprint is so multifarious, it requires a nickname for the street?

See “God’s Avenue”.

And even though there is no more real estate for Jesus’ excavation crew, there are many churches on the aptly dubbed boulevard doing a heckuva lot interior decorating for one particular family new to the area.

The choices are abundant. Numerous, thriving congregations are an easy walk from 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. Just across Lafayette Square from the White House is St. John’s Church, an Episcopal parish known as the “Church of the Presidents,” where presidents as far back as James Madison have worshipped. St. John’s has a standing invitation: Pew 54 is the President’s Pew, reserved for the nation’s leader…

Whatever choice the Obamas make, it is sure to be analyzed through the prism of Obama’s relationship with the Rev. Jeremiah Wright, who was Obama’s pastor for 20 years at Trinity United Church of Christ in Chicago.

And there’s the rub. Choosing a church should be a prayerful consideration – not a political one. But since Obama and his nefarious former pastor entered the news cycle, the President-elect must consult his PR team before he talks to a pastor. Sad, but true.

Dude has to go to church. After all, he practically promised Christians everywhere that God would be on his short list for Vice President. However, where does he go? Let’s see if we can help by denomination:

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  Truer words were never spoken in this instance

  Baptist - The word is sound, but if he goes to a Baptist church in “Chocolate City”, the Obamas will feel like a bastard child at a family reunion. Next?

• Catholic - Tradition. Regalia. Pomp. Circumstance. And in this town, Latin. Yeah, not so much for the first daughters.
• AME - This is where church shopping becomes unfair. This denomination is rooted deeply in the black community, but if that man… with that name… with that church past… goes to that church… all the moderate Obama lovers out there will go berserk.
• UMC - It’s “church”. They have “women” pastors. But this church has split over foundational tenets more times than a big girl’s panty hose. Maybe not.
• UCC - Seriously? Even though there are a few in the town that would love to have the first family rejoicing in their pews, the first country still hasn’t forgotten what your last UCC pastor did. Move on.
• MCC - Uh-huh. You know those multi-colored unity flags are flying high in an attempt to attract the wandering eye of the BarackStar, but let’s get real. If they go here, that won’t be a pot o’gold at the end of the “rainbow,” that will a Pandora’s box of expletives hurled in their direction.

With a seemingly no-win situation, I would recommend having a Bible study at the White House, prep your communications team for the much-ado-about-nothing “Church and State” arguments and rotate the heavy air-quoted “spiritual counselors to the President.”

Ah, that sounds like a political church service to me. Lovely. Only one caveat to the BarackStar, when you are tithing at your backyard service, be sure to pay in cash. I’m just sayin’.