I think I even have a penchant for the witty. I’ve enjoyed satire from time to time. But even HiScrivener on his best day couldn’t make this crap up. So, I’ll just post the headline.

DATELINE: Ocala, Fla. (Don’t ask me. I don’t know either.)

HEADLINE: Man pulls knife at church for butter

No, he wasn’t being kind at a church buffet because some dear saint had the rolls. No, he didn’t just happen to have the only butter knife for the local get together. He just really had a hankering to lather up his biscuit and when no one cared for his request, dude developed the dreaded disease…

[Cue horror music... suspense implied... eerie winds blowing... sorority chics screaming in the woods]

BUTTER RAGE

The entire story is brief, hilarious AND TRUE, so enjoy! And, if you find yourself getting antsy when you near Country Crock in the grocery store, please seek professional counsel. I hear it’s contagious.