A ‘Homo’-what? Look here, HiScrivener, is that some new cellular technology debuted at a Gay Pride Parade or something? Now, now, don’t get your pink feathered boa all twisted. This isn’t a Ted Haggard story or anything.
Meet Neulan Midkiff, founder and destroyer of the Shiloh Family Church in Forest Lake, Minn.
You see, when his church members kept calling him “Prophet”, he took it seriously. The problem is this tool was hooked on phonics, thought they were speaking “PROFIT” on his life and proceeded to fleece his own sheep to the tune of $30 MILLION!
[FYI - Homophone [hom-uh-fohn, hoh-muh-] n. – a word pronounced the same as another but differing in meaning, whether spelled the same way or not, as heir and air.]
OOOOOOOH. I know. I know. Back to the news…
So, there’s this incredulous excuse of a man, who wants to stand in line for the ‘Hell Express’, thought it would be easy money to tell the dense folk in his church about some shrewd investments. Turns out Midkiff was a drug mule of sorts – well, more like the chief @$$ – in that he would get his people, family and friends in one of the nation’s largest pyramid scams unwittingly.
Oh, he knew it, and that’s why he was the king of bling:
Midkiff used his gains to buy a $1.3 million home, a Lincoln Navigator, a Mercedes Benz, a boat and a motorhome, Rank said. Much of that property, including the church, has been frozen by the Securities Exchange Commission.
Yet, not one person in his inner circle team or even members asked questions. And now:
Midkiff is charged with 16 counts of wire and mail fraud, money laundering and for failing to file or pay taxes on more than $3 million earned in the scam, which lasted from April 2004 to December 2005.
Throughout this entire Jesus charade this tool was playing, perhaps the most telling aspect of why people in the Church are called ‘sheep’ (seriously, one of the dumbest animals on the planet… but also one of the most loyal in need of a leader, which is the example Jesus was aiming for) is this:
Donna Midkiff [wife of Neuland, the crook in the story] held the title of “Prophetess of the Feast” at the church.
Ain’t that the truth. What a feast they had as the couple chewed on the savings of hundreds. Well, enjoy prison. Both of you will make great girlfriends.