Minn. Pastor going to prison (hopefully) for a homophone

Posted: July 12, 2008 in Above the Fold, Denominational Fun, On Your Wall
Tags: , , , ,

A ‘Homo’-what? Look here, HiScrivener, is that some new cellular technology debuted at a Gay Pride Parade or something? Now, now, don’t get your pink feathered boa all twisted. This isn’t a Ted Haggard story or anything.

Meet Neulan Midkiff, founder and destroyer of the Shiloh Family Church in Forest Lake, Minn.

You see, when his church members kept calling him “Prophet”, he took it seriously. The problem is this tool was hooked on phonics, thought they were speaking “PROFIT” on his life and proceeded to fleece his own sheep to the tune of $30 MILLION!

[FYI – Homophone [hom-uh-fohn, hoh-muh-] n. – a word pronounced the same as another but differing in meaning, whether spelled the same way or not, as heir and air.]

OOOOOOOH. I know. I know. Back to the news…

So, there’s this incredulous excuse of a man, who wants to stand in line for the ‘Hell Express’, thought it would be easy money to tell the dense folk in his church about some shrewd investments. Turns out Midkiff was a drug mule of sorts – well, more like the chief @$$ – in that he would get his people, family and friends in one of the nation’s largest pyramid scams unwittingly.

Oh, he knew it, and that’s why he was the king of bling:

Midkiff used his gains to buy a $1.3 million home, a Lincoln Navigator, a Mercedes Benz, a boat and a motorhome, Rank said. Much of that property, including the church, has been frozen by the Securities Exchange Commission.

Yet, not one person in his inner circle team or even members asked questions. And now:

Midkiff is charged with 16 counts of wire and mail fraud, money laundering and for failing to file or pay taxes on more than $3 million earned in the scam, which lasted from April 2004 to December 2005.

Throughout this entire Jesus charade this tool was playing, perhaps the most telling aspect of why people in the Church are called ‘sheep’ (seriously, one of the dumbest animals on the planet… but also one of the most loyal in need of a leader, which is the example Jesus was aiming for) is this:

Donna Midkiff [wife of Neuland, the crook in the story] held the title of “Prophetess of the Feast” at the church.

Ain’t that the truth. What a feast they had as the couple chewed on the savings of hundreds. Well, enjoy prison. Both of you will make great girlfriends.

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Comments
  1. k.j. says:

    Love the truth about the midkiffs. FYI he acually had a buisness in Blaine mn once called viacomp and he changed it to “HIS FEAST” what a PIG the pair of them are!!! and they still have a following to this day!!!?????!!!!! what the ???

  2. [...] Enron scammed and maneuvered cash through inside trading, and for that, they should burn in prison. Midkiff STOLE cash, and for that, he should be their bunkmates. Who knows, maybe with all that time in jail, Midkiff [...]

  3. [...] crowned Wall of Famer and surreptitious snake of the pulpit, Neulan Midkiff, gambled against that whole “reaping what you sow” business and hit the magic number – [...]

  4. cornishevangelist says:

    Angels are made subject unto us

    Angels are subject unto you, that means they are to obey your orders when you tell them to retrieve the promises of God. Also they are to be used to attack spiritual and earthly problems that afflict you in your life. But they will only obey you, if you are a child of God, for then you have the authority to use the name of Jesus.
    Now, Jesus said that the spirits are subject unto you, in St Luke 10v20, “ notwithstanding in this rejoice not that the spirits are subject unto you”. Jesus was speaking of evil spirits at that time. But we also know that He meant angel spirits, for it is written in Hebrews 1v7, “ and of the angels He saith, Who maketh His angels spirits.”
    Now the evil spirits will not obey you, because they are evil. We can see this in the example of where the disciples tried to cast out an evil spirit, which refused to go, then they had to go to Jesus for Him to cast out the demon.
    Now angel spirits are very good and obedient to God’s Word. They know that Jesus has made them subject unto us and so they will always obey us. For they were created to obey and glorify Christ.

    Angels Everywhere
    Oh, if we could only see into the unseen world, then we would not be so fearful of this life. Elisha the prophet of God prayed for his servant that God would open his eyes, and when his servant saw the heavens full of chariots of fire he was no longer afraid.
    Many years ago there was a lady in a little Pentecostal Church in Cornwall who was afraid of living alone in her flat, so when Diane and I took her home after Church, we prayed for angels all around her flat, and in every room and cupboard. Her faith rose up in her so much, it was as if she saw angels everywhere, and all fear and loneliness left her. Oh, if only we would believe.
    “The angel of the Lord encampeth around about them that fear Him, and delivereth the,” {Psalm 34 v 7}. Praise the Lord!
    EVANGELIST BILLY BOLITHO

    http://www.evangelistbillybolitho.blogspot.com

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